Is it Compassion Fatigue, Sympathy Fatigue or Empathy Fatigue?
Why differentiating between Sympathy, Empathy, Compassion & Pity is essential for counter-colonial spiritual praxis and sustainable "activism."
Essay Collection: Navigating ‘Energy Fatigue’ - A Counter-Colonial Energetics Perspective
I wrote the initial essay that inspired this collection for my Patreon (link) in July 2022. It was originally titled, “Beyond ‘Compassion Fatigue’: Compassion without empathy as an advanced spiritual-political practice.
Updated in Nov 2023, it now lives as a 4-part essay collection. Essays will initially be available to paid subscribers and will unlock for all after 2 weeks. I hope you find it of value to your practice!
Collection Contents
Essay 1: Clarifying Energetic Fatigue
Differentiates between sympathy, empathy, compassion & pity, and discusses the value of differentiating them as we scramble to understand our roles in activism
Word Count: ~2,129 || Reading Time: ~16min
Text-To-Speech: https://www.naturalreaders.com/online/
Upcoming Essays
Essay 2: Spiritual Reward (link) clarifies the role of "spiritual reward," ego, survival & thriving in preventing/overcoming energetic fatigue & “showing up.”
Essay 3: De-Centering Empathy (link) challenges empathy as the foundation of compassion & centers dignity over suffering as motivations for personal decision making changing systems
Essay 4: Spiritual Praxis connects this discernment to energetic diet & counter-colonial energetic investment & divestment
Essay 1: Clarifying Energetic Fatigue
One of the most challenging aspects of living through the end times is managing our own energy reserves, and in particular, the energy that we share with others.
Whether we are giving or receiving energy, it is shared nonetheless—and sometimes that sharing is not consensual, which makes the emotional, mental, spiritual and physical “pushes and pulls” even more burdensome. To add to the confusion, sometimes we choose to engage with energy we don't really want to. This might stem from unclear boundaries or result from the undesired energy-source being located in the same places where we receive consensual energy (e.g. social media, a household with multiple people, or a country full of deeply conflicting cultures).
Many of us have heard of "Compassion Fatigue," but I find this term misleading. From a energetic perspective, compassion is an energetic force frequently conflated with these related, but distinct energetic forces:
sympathy
empathy
pity
It is important to differentiate between these four energetic forces because people often find themselves drained of energy:
without ever actually having taken action, or
after having taken ineffective, unsustainable and misaligned action, or
after having taken action they find out later was manipulative or manipulated
Energetic fatigue and spiritual exhaustion can make it feel impossible to either push or pull, the foundational motions of force. Taking action begins to feel like a hopeless endeavor; every motion seems to dig us deeper into the quicksand; liberatory action becomes difficult to locate.
Yet, I believe firmly that true compassion is rooted in co-liberatory action—actions that emancipate both those we watch suffer and that free ourselves from our attachment to the circumstances that make us complicit in their suffering.
Can we be burnt out from ‘compassion fatigue’ if the primary energetic force moving our bodies is not actually compassion?
…If the actions we take maintain the systems that cause the suffering in the first place?
Some may ask: If I’m not burnt out from “too much compassion,” then what keeps me stuck? Though this will read as an absurd question to any marginalized group member routinely abandoned by privileged people who complain that they’re too tired to help us survive the abuse they refuse to stop wielding against us, it’s still a necessary question for everyone to ask.
Sympathy, empathy, compassion & pity can all lead to Energetic Fatigue, a term I prefer to Compassion Fatigue. Discerning which type of energetic force drives our fatigue empowers us to prevent and/or overcome this spiritual exhaustion and allows us to act sustainably to reduce our own and others’ suffering.
So what's the difference between Sympathy, Empathy, Compassion & Pity, four energetic forces we engage with regularly in an information-overload & violently unequal society? It’s important to develop the skill to identify each. They all inform our energy stores differently, as well as our:
inclination toward spiritual practice
our capacity for spiritual practice, and
the communities in which we engage in spiritual practice
Differentiating between Sympathy, Empathy, Compassion & Pity
Just because we feel connected to someone else’s suffering, doesn’t mean we are doing anything meaningful to alleviate it. This is critical to understand in a world that relies on monetizing (and manipulating) our sense of connection, especially our guilt & hope.
Sympathy = I feel for
Empathy = I feel as
Compassion = I feel with
Pity = I feel over
Sympathy = I understand that you are suffering
Empathy = I have experienced your suffering
Compassion = I share the burden of your suffering
Pity = I make your suffering about myself
Sympathy = Intellectual Reflection
Empathy = Emotional Reflection
Compassion = Emancipatory Action
Pity = Egotistical Action
Of course, this separation is not pure. We typically feel some combination of these simultaneously. Yet, centering the intellectual distinction can help us:
recognize when we mislabel “managing our guilt” as “helping others”
stop “doing so much” of an action that doesn’t actually help
improve our media literacy and identify misleading narratives around suffering
accurately name violence and respond with sustainable, effective care
avoid getting duped into taking action that perpetuates the root problem
quiet our ego and expand our understanding of reality
engage from a place of accountability that yields lasting transformation
I’ll expand on this below, but it’s worth noting now that within this imperfect framework, sympathy and empathy as primarily reflective motions can lead to either compassion-based or pity-based actions, depending on whether said actions actually address the mechanisms of collective suffering.
Energetic Reactions & Responses
As such, it is important that we recognize which actions yield which reactions, and which reactions demand which responses.
Many of us have been taught to use sympathy, empathy, compassion & pity interchangeably, which can increase confusion when trying to figure out what to do in response to what we see, hear and feel. We confuse & conflate them in large part because we struggle to differentiate their distinct energetic motions.
Each of these energies are connecting forces: When we feel them, we become connected with the suffering of others, which in turn, tunes us into our own discomfort. How do these energetic forces encourage us to respond to this discomfort?
Energetic Reactions
In sympathy, I recognize.
In empathy, I relate.
In compassion, I unite.
In pity, I detach.
Energetic Responses
Sympathy
When I recognize your suffering, I educate myself: I listen to you and learn from you.
Empathy
When I relate to your suffering, I remember my own: I accurately reflect your story to amplify OUR stories.
Compassion
When I unite with your suffering, I give of myself: I join in your suffering to alleviate OUR suffering.
Pity
When I detach from your suffering, I divide us: I judge your story against mine; I dole out resources to entrench our differences.
Reflection Questions & Somatic Awareness:
When we are able to intellectually separate these energetic forces within our body-minds, we can create boundaries for ourselves that enable us to more effectively determine whether sympathy or empathy is primarily driving our actions, and whether our actions are primarily rooted in compassion or pity.
When unsure about which energetic force is driving you, check in with these reflection questions and somatic connections.
My Sacred Energy Immersion (link) students and students of yogic & vedic philosophies will recognize the Koshas and Vayus. Unfamiliar? Don’t fret! These are suggestions, and you can relate these to your embodied experience however feels helpful. Soon, I’ll add a breath exercise for each!
Am I feeling sympathy: I acknowledge that someone else is suffering, even if I do not personally understand that suffering
Reflection:
Do I feel curious to understand more deeply?
Am I primarily moved to recognize, educate (myself), listen, learn?
Somatic Awareness:
Expanding the mind
Head —> Gut
Manomaya Kosha
Prana Vayu & Samana Vayu
Am I feeling empathy: I feel (or have felt) similar suffering, and my related pain is reactivated through the act of witnessing
Reflection
Do I feel capable of helping others understand?
Am I primarily moved to relate, remember, accurately reflect, amplify?
Somatic Awareness
Expanding the heart
Heart —> Gut —> Throat
Pranamaya Kosha
Samana Vayu & Udana Vayu
Am I feeling compassion: I act to reduce our shared suffering by directly engaging in care work and addressing the source or symptoms of your pain
Reflection
Do I feel ready to join you in the trenches?
Am I primarily moved to unite, give of myself, join, alleviate?
Somatic Awareness
Expanding the Soul
Heart —> Gut —> Head —> Hands
Vijnayamaya Kosha & Anandamaya Kosha
Vyana Vayu | all vayus communicating harmoniously
Do I feel pity: I feel threated by the idea that your suffering might one day become my own, and I resolve to prevent that outcome by establishing our differences as justification for our distance
Reflection
Do I feel rushed to do anything for the sake of doing something?
Am I primarily moved to detach, divide, judge, dole out?
Somatic Awareness
Moving objects
Gut —> Throat | Gut —> Bowels | Gut —> Hands (Defense)
Annamaya Kosha
Apana Vayu
Sustainable, Aligned Action
That fatigue we feel from being so aware of others' suffering does not come from "feeling too much." All of these energetic forces result from and cause intense feeling. (And this is why part 3 of this diatribe emphasizes action regardless of [i.e. even without] empathy.)
Instead, energetic fatigue results from acting too frequently out of alignment with feelings that effectively reduce our own and others’ suffering. It also comes from having the feelings we tried to turn into action invalidated when the actions we took didn’t have the impact we imagined.
In other words, energetic fatigue comes from acting on what we thought was compassion, but was actually pity…
…or speaking from what was actually sympathy, but we thought was empathy. And so on and so forth…
Discerning between these energetic forces allows us to:
be less "surprised" when people, like our political "representatives," weaponize sympathy, empathy, and pity to get themselves elected and then entirely abandon compassion once in office.
recognize false empathy, as people who center pity in their “giving” tend not only to be quite vain, but to also engage in actions that strengthen patterns of suffering.
Pity is especially insidious and reveals why so many impoverished people will reject the charity they may need to survive.
As an enmeshing force, pity pulls the dominant and dominated together, highlighting our interconnectedness and dissolving delusions of separateness. This interconnection incites fear in the dominant person, and urges them to push the dominated away via superficial acts (e.g. one-time donations), tricking the dominant person into believing that suffering has ended simply because they have turned away from it.
Pity offerings become infused with the dehumanizing perceptions of their donors, maintaining a lopsided disconnection laden with false empathy, again tricking the dominant party into believing they have solved both parties’ suffering when they have only temporarily relieved their own. Charity as a manifestation of pity exists as a way to maintain inequality, not alleviate it.
Does that mean all donations are bad? Of course not. But remember: empathy requires a mutual experience. Few who reject charity (pity) will reject mutual aid (compassion).
Most racialized, impoverished, disabled, and abused people have been tricked into believing that people who pity us care about us. When recovering from and unlearning interpersonal, familial & systemic abuse, we must recognize when peoples’ claims of connection serve only themselves.
This discernment helps us avoid being coerced into ineffective & draining action when we "feel bad," even if that action is not:
aligned with our capacity, skills, resources or power
what others need
what actually reduces suffering
Cultivating this discernment is a central part of counter-colonial spiritual praxis because it empowers us to move from an aligned core and to resist reproducing colonial violence in our efforts to “help” or “witness.”
Wrapping Up
Here's a core understanding my spiritual practice has taught me:
Just because we feel sympathy or empathy does not mean we are ready or able to center compassionate action.
If we feel sympathy and empathy without clear boundaries around our ability to act compassionately, then we tend to exhaust our connecting energies at times, in places, and with people that neither understand us, nor align with our values, nor refill our cups.
This tends to lead us to act from pity far more often than we act from compassion.
This lesson has also helped me apply intersectionality when I witness peoples’ responses to violence. Too often, internet voices give broad instructions about “what needs to be done urgently,” placing an equal burden of action on people with totally different levels of resources, understanding, shared experience, ability, access & security.
When we reserve compassion (burden-sharing care work) for those moments when compassion is truly aligned with
our capacity
our gifts
our creative power
our skills
our own complex healing landscapes
our support base
our lived experience
our sense of heart-based purpose
then we tend to give of ourselves at times, in places, and with people who can also send that compassion back our way, and we limit the urge to give resources as an act of disconnection.
This allows for a much more sustainable flow of energy and ensures that
we receive care as we provide it (centering community)
the care we offer is effective in reducing suffering long-term
we feel empowered at least as often as we feel disempowered
we do not claim compassion fatigue without actually engaging regularly in compassionate acts
Aligned compassion reduces the likelihood that:
we’ll reinforce inequality and violence through our actions
our connecting actions will be manipulated for capitalist gain
and it increases the likelihood that we will burden-share sustainably because our actions feel spiritually rewarding.
Energetic sustainability is key in combatting energetic fatigue.
This is the end of Essay 1: Clarifying Energetic Fatigue.
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